SdB eZine – Friday, May 4, 2007

Giving you the scoop every Monday, Wednesday and Friday!  

What’s Happening: As reported here first (see SdB eZine Wednesday May 2)…Eddie Murphy has come forward and confirmed that he has not had a vasecotomy as reported by the online tabloid Media Takeout.com On Wednesday, a family publicist told Us Magazine that Eddie has, in fact, not been snipped. A statement from Charlie read: “As far as I know, this [incident] never happened. How would I know if my brother had a vasectomy? Charlie Murphy does not have the itinerary on any man’s penis!” All we can say at SdB is…you ain’ t gotta lie Craig, you ain’t gotta lie!!! Sorry we don’t believe Charlie. Come on man, it was heated they were talking about lil bro and you got caught up in the moment. It’s all good man no harm no foul!

In other breaking news Philly.com is reporting that troubled actress Maia Campbell is wanted for auto theft. Daughter of late author Bebe Moore Campbell; Maia has been plagued by rumors she is fighting a losing battle with the crack pipe. Last year a video featuring Campbell in some compromising positions surfaced. Mediatakeout.com alledged Ms. Campbell allowed the tape to be made in exchange for a little bit of crack cocaine. Maia has reportedly been on a downward spiral even before her mother famed author Bebe Moore Campbell passed late last year. In this latest incident Maia was  reportedly hanging out with Kevin Taylor and his friend Steve Johnson on Monday.   The pair left Campbell alone in the white 1998 Jeep Cherokee along with the keys, before they went into Johnson’s home to retrieve musical gear. When they came outside minutes later, Campbell and the car were gone. Northwest Detectives are investigating the auto theft. Anyone with info on the whereabouts of the car or Campbell is asked to call 215-686-3353. Let’s all pray she bargains for the car better than she did for the !@%#$#…in all seriousness this child is in need of a intervention  let’s pray she is found safe and sound. You can check out the full story here.

And in more things Hollyweird…Rapper and Actress Eve has been formerly charged with DUI.  The actress was arrested this week in Los Angeles county on charges of driving under the incluence. Busta Rhymes was also arrested on the same charge in an unrelated incident. Busta talked to reporters briefly while leaving the clink. These most recent incidents are just a few in a long list of celeb’s breaking the law. It’s a shame that these folks who can certainly afford to hire someone to drive for them don’t think about doing so and repeatedly put the lives of others in danger. Drinking and driving is not cute but seems to be the new black, what’s up with that!?

……And straight from a sea of denial R-Kelly’s wife is speaking out about life with R-Kelly or without R-Kelly we can’t tell. In a day late and dollar short interview estranged wife of the R&B supestar blast the public for watching the infamous video of her husband, calling for all of us to check our morals!! Andrea Kelly also goes on record with Essence magazine to state that it is not her nasty husband in the video and she knows that for a fact because, she hasn’t seen it. The little known dancer feined outrage when asked about the tape…she’s a mother and wife for christsakes. She is using the world wife loosely, given the fact that she has been estranged from her famed husband for 3 years, she hasn’t seen him recently, they live in seperate homes in fact from the tone of the article she might not even know where he lives. “That we filed for divorce is not that important,” she insists, “but it’s how we are dealing with each other. It’s very positive.” Yeah riiiigghht..we at the SdB eZine are wondering did he pee on her too!?!? You can check out the entire article online here.

On TV:  The primetime line-up for Friday May 4th includes Grey’s Anatomy airing tonight at 8:00 p.m. on FOX, Dateline NBC (a repeat and not a ”to catch a predator” one) shares the 8:00 time slot along with the WWF Smack Down on the CW and The movie Paid In Full on BET.  For more info on what’s playing check out TV Guide online. ….

….On SdB: The clock is ticking and the post are still missing. Yes the natives are still MIA, however new characters are making the rounds. A newbie has joined with slight gusto. Could this be an alter, maybe the infamous crossdresser we love to hate has returned. We are not sure but we got are eye on you new fish! It’s still up in the air on what’s going to become of the SdB forum but you can rest assured we’ll keep you informed.  Remember if you want the scoop or just to remain in the loop you got to join the group at www.shootingdabreeze.com. Check out the SdB archives before they are gone for good.

WITW…each week your friendly SdB ezine post a picture of someone famous and ask our readers to try and identify the subject. We call it What in the World!?!?!  This week we are providing bonus WITW photo: Mediatakeout.com has come up with a 13 year old picture featuring a “Pookie” looking Chris and 70’s looking white woman, reported to be the infamous Kali Bowyer from way back when. Chris say it ain’t so!?!? MTO is known for posting some far fetched garbage, so we don’t know…we’re putting a disclaimer on this one and asking our readers to let us know: Who in the HELL is this woman!?!?!  Hit us up at admin@shootingdabreeze.com if you know. On a sidenote it’s interesting how now that she’s white lady she’s a “Baby’s Mother” and not a baby mama but we digress.

 

There are places all over the web touting interesting websites to visit. You can catch where to go on the web here in the eZine or go to SdB’s share your link for even more helpful and fun spots on the web.   In an effort not to be out done we also feature WHERE NOT TO GO ON THE WEB!! Look for it on Monday’s! …..

Today’s Recommended Website:  It’s that time of the year again summer is just around the corner and with so many single and working parents out there you got to be ahead of the curve.  Kids need constructive activities in the summer even if it’s just for a few hours, few days or if you got it like that a few weeks. Plan ahead people…summercamps.com has been providing nationwide online info on summer camps since 1995. This site is easy to navigate and features, day camps, overnight camping and all sorts of specialty camps like space camp. The website also features an area on special needs camps for the those with children with physical and/or learning disabilities. Now how cool is that!  There’s a wealth of info so go check it out! Remember if you think you can’t afford camp think again, there’s all sorts of options check your local churches and YMCA.

That’s All Yall!!

Oh, It Gets Better

As I mentioned in my last entry my little brother is separated from his wife and temporarily staying with me. Just when I make up my mind to tell him homeless shelters build character he does something good.  Such as remembering to turn off the heater and all the lights or pick the towels that he’s used off the bathroom floor before he leaves. I haven’t gotten around to making him a key yet (actually I don’t plan to but he’s just too stupid to realize it).  Yesterday I came home and he was standing at the fridge drinking orange juice straight out the carton. I asked him whether I should even inquire as to how the hell he got into the house, his explanation was that he was high. 

Tell me…how much weed would you have to smoke to think because your sister has a good job it’s okay to break out a bedroom window on occasion if she isn’t home to let you in…

…and you do it more than once?!

Do I even have to say he is brain dead? Well I will because he is.  I have to leave post-it notes around the house with simple stuff like: turn off the lights when you leave THIS room.  The other night a friend that stopped in for a minute….glanced around the house with a confused look and asked me what I did for Blue Shield of California again. I assured him my home was not an assisted living facility and no mentally challenged people live with me, just my little brother.

Speaking of brain dead…I went out on a sort of second date this past week with this guy I met while playing dominoes on Yahoo a while back. We kept in touch via email and had coffee a few weeks later…he seemed cool, personable, intelligent, a broker, all around nice guy…Funny thing is I swear he wears some type of hair piece. The hair on top of his head is not real (And of course it’s a brotha so that’s the strange part). I don’t know what the hell it is but I call him Tou-peé Maaaan.  

Months and months go buy and he’s telling me about the theater in his house, I’m thinking big screen t.v…. what’s the big deal. But he’s insistent that it’s a theater…He’s telling me the measurements of the screen for months and I don’t get it!

See I have a problem with measurements…I’m just not good at measuring things. I measure in Barbie’s … yes Barbies as in dolls.  Any and everything is 2 Barbie dolls tall, 3 Barbie dolls tall and so on and so on.  He’s telling me about this theater but I just can’t picture it in Barbie’s.

Okay … so I run into him week before last we talk and I agree to drive to his house…big mistake. His house was lovely. He showed me his theater and it was damn near a real theater well not a Cineplex…but to be in somebody’s house hell it was pretty nice…in Fremont no doubt!?!?! He set up these old fashion popcorn, cotton candy and slush machines around the room giving it a real small theater feel… very neat. 

I did not want to watch a movie so we proceed to the living room. He’s prepared small plates… cheese, olives etc. and I have one glass of wine. We’re having a conversation and I am just talking away…(you probably can’t tell from this blog but I talk a lot…). Well about an hour goes by, he excuses himself and disappears…he returns butt naked and sits down next to me…YES naked people…completely…not with draws on or a robe… just nothing. I didn’t show a reaction on my face but inside my head I was screaming: OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD! 

After he sat down I picked up the conversation where we had left off. I just kept talking a mile a minute just like he still had his clothes on. About 5-10 min goes by and he excuses himself, he says “let me go put something on”…When he comes back I am standing at his front door with it open, keys in hand…(I wanted a head start on him). I was thinking:

“you don’t even have to explain that one dog, just throw me my coat from wherever you put it and I’m out”.

As I was rushing to my car I was thinking have all the men in the Bay Area lost their damn minds!? The kicker was this fool came out naked but still had on dress socks AND his toupee. I wanted to tell him soooo bad what he should have done was take that rat off his head. Lord, I wonder where he got it from!?!?

As I was driving home in the dark on the freeway scared to death because I had never driven in that area before…I came to the conclusion that he has done that before. It’s no way he hasn’t. He is probably accustomed to women not knowing how to react and becoming somewhat intimidated. I don’t know what he expected from me, all I know is he came up short…literally.  

Well folks this has been Robyne’s World until next time….

Getting Started

My name is TL and this is my blog…Shooting ‘da Breeze…

Right now I am at work and there is a sort of lull in the day no meetings or important deadlines to adhere to.  So I will start by telling yall a little about me.

I live in Northern California, I’ve lived here most of my life. I was born in Los Angeles but I was raised in the Bay Area… in Vallejo, California. You may or may not have heard of Vallejo.  It has been somewhat put on the map in terms of hip hop culture via E40 and the like.  Vallejo is a very small town that I hate, I really do. My baby brother, his wife and their children live there (well they are separated right now but I will tell you more about that in a minute).  He still spends a lot of time there and I don’t see how he does it. 

Everywhere he goes he must see someone we all know…he has to. Three popular kids in a family means lots of friends. He’s always telling me so and so said hi!

Oh and they still call each other by those stupid nick names from back in the day: “Ray Ray asked about you”.

I didn’t blossom until I was almost 15. Up until that point I was a really awkward looking child believe it or not, it was awful. I was breast-less about 4 feet tall and 90lbs soaking wet. I am still short about 5 feet (which really means 4”11).

I’ve stopped saying my actual height because I was on a date once and the gentleman said: “Just how tall are you”. I told him and he replied: “that’s like one chromosome away from being a midget”. Of course I smiled and giggled but I was thinking “you asshole”.

 I hate Vallejo for that very reason. It’s always a crapshoot whenever you go there. As I mentioned beforehand, I blossomed by the 9th grade and high school was a blast but that doesn’t matter. The laws of hometown torture states, whenever you go home you shall never see the people that remember the good years. Oh no that would be too rewarding. It never fails that whenever I go to visit some brother will yell at me from across a street, room, parking lot, grocery store, or some other equally vast space: “ROBYNE, …is that you…girl…I remember when you had a  flat-chest, acne and a curl”!

I never know what to say to something like that. I’m always thinking something evil but I never say what I’m thinking. You will notice over time that I think the total opposite of my actions sometimes. I always say and do the right thing no matter what I am feeling or thinking. I cuss people out in my head  and on my website though. I think I have about 10 or 12 more good years before I snap, sounds crazy but it’s true.

What else can I say about me, I like to cook and I love football. Football season is my favorite time of the year.  I bought a car not to long ago, my first one at that. I just learned how to drive shortly before then. It’s been a blast. It has changed my life tremendously.

Hold on my mom is calling me to tell me how she has changed her will to leave my little brother a dollar (Lord help us all)…….. She does this every year… last time I think it was me who was disinherited.

It will probably change a hundred times before she actually dies. I keep telling her she’s gonna mess around and really die while in the midst of one of her grudges with her children. And she’s going to really regret the decision to keep doing this. She claims she’s not going to regret jack if she is dead, which I don’t argue with because…. hell it’s a pretty good point.

I know this makes my family sound crazy but to be honest we are. We are an extremely dysfunctional middle-class family. My mom has a compulsive disorder…she is a clean freak and she has a fixation with planning her death. When we were little we had death drills. Yes drills. My mom quizzed us: “what to do if mommy dies”. Trust me it may not sound that bad but it is extremely traumatizing to a 5-year old. Especially when the first rule is: Do not call any of our trifling family members…call the attorney FIRST. 

Everything is organized and planned to a tee as far as her finances and wills and all that stuff goes. Every week when I go over there she wants to go over stuff or show me something new that she has put aside in the event of her death. Last week it was sealed envelope with both my brother’s names on it. Even though I didn’t want to know I asked her what it was …she said “it’s blunt money”. I know I said the same thing blunt money!?!? She said “it’s blunt money.. $50 in cash …I just know your brothers are going to need to smoke on a blunt or two when I die and I got $5 on it”

I have reminded her countless times that she should not support their despicable habits. I asked her did she tell her attorney about the weed fund and she hasn’t… thank God.

Anyway back to my car. Although I have only been driving for a short time I am doing better and really getting the hang of it!

I’ve been enjoying this new freedom, it has made me a lot happier. I’ve noticed I am a lot less cranky. I have this problem with taking out my frustration, and pent-up anger on service people. Any service people…waitresses and airport people, gas station attendants, it doesn’t matter.

I realize now I was a walking ball of frustration… a cute one in an Ann Klein suit and a french manicure but a ticking time bomb nonetheless. I think it was one of the reasons I was exploding at the slightest mistake, error or delay.  

The Christmas Season before I got my car I pulled a wreath off a woman’s SUV. Little things like that had been bothering me, really pissing me off.. It was maniac thing to do but I did it. I was at the gas station in my mother’s car and this woman pulled up next to me. She had this wreath on the front grill of her SUV and a Santa hat on. I thought no one could possibly be that damn jolly.  I went over to her truck and yanked her wreath off. It didn’t come off on the first tug I literally had to put one foot on the grill and yank it a few times. When It came off I threw it on the ground and stumped it a few times.

The lady was just standing in the gas station looking at me like I was crazy. Lucky it wasn’t a sista or she might have tried to beat my ass.

 My point,  I guess is that things are good and I am enjoying my car… but you probably want to know what took me so long to drive…Well unfortunately I failed the driving test…not the written. I passed the written on the first try each time.

But I failed the driving test… 5 times. The last time that I took it before I passed it I actually hit a man while I was taking the test. A real pedestrian… yes a live human being.

I couldn’t believe the DMV man failed me after that. I was doing fine before that man walked into the car. He was jay walking you know. After the ambulance took him away the tester wouldn’t even let me drive back to DMV. I was so pissed I could have rang his fat neck.

The 6^th time is a charm though…and now look at me! The cars name is Chrissy, Chrissy Chrysler and I’ve only had 7 accidents since I got her.

Well I guess that is enough for now…until next time!